Believe it or not, there are some men and women who have not ventured into internet dating yet. By not exploring this avenue, these people are missing an important avenue for meeting wonderful men and women like themselves that are having a hard time meeting someone decent to date through more traditional means and their normal daily activities.
A coaching client, Sally* is a 40 year old woman who has never married and was having no luck meeting appropriate men. She is a shy woman who dreaded s.ingles events and “putting herself out there”. So I encouraged her to explore her perspectives on dating on the internet.
“It’s scary out there” came up first. She was afraid of the unknown and the “crazies” that she would encounter during her search. Also, she was afraid of any undesirable types who contacted her. I told her that it was a possibility that some unstable people where on the net, however, the process of weeding out by scrutinizing emails and talking to them on the ph.one would screen out most men she would felt uncomfortable with.
“What other perspective on internet dating comes up for you?”, I asked her. She hesitated. Then I continued with, “What would your mother think of you trying internet dating?” She laughed and said her mother would say, “What do you have to l.ose by trying?” “What would that look like?” I encouraged her further. “It’s kind of like the nothing ventured, nothing gained perspective”.
Then, I went one step further, “What would your best friend say about you trying internet dating?” “Oh that is easy, she would tell me to go for it!” Sally went on, “Also, there’s a whole world out there for me to explore.” She continued to tell me that “Go for it” perspective felt as though it was possible to meet someone this way and that it was hopeful.
“What could be fun about dating on the internet?” I asked. “Well, I could meet interesting people, do interesting things and go interesting places.” “So would you say that this would be the It’s fun out there perspective for internet dating?” “Yes, I could see that”, she confirmed.
Then, a negative thought (a gremlin) came to Sally immediately. “Aren’t only desperate men dating via the internet?” she expressed as a concern. We then went on to explore why someone would be dating using the internet. We came up with the following positive reasons:
1. These men may be time constrained due to demanding jobs and family obligations and don’t have much time for traditional ways of meeting women such as singles events and activities.
2. Men like convenience. This is an easy way to meet appropriate women to date.
3. Men like to be efficient. The internet provides an efficient use of their time and m.oney. You can go to a s.ingles event and not meet anyone. You have just spent your time and your m.oney without any results! Your chances seem better of actually going on dates.
4. The internet provides a lot of information that you don’t get when meeting someone at a bar or a s.ingles event. It weeds through the chit chat.
5. You get to engage with someone and get to know them through emails and ph.one calls before you meet them. Therefore, physical chemistry does not become the only factor for wanting to meet someone.
6. Internet dating is a one on one vehicle. It is not like some of these meat market s.ingles events where you are standing around with dozens of other women around.
7. The internet is great for shy people who don’t have an easy time at parties and group events.
8. The internet is actively being used by all ages n.ow, especially those 55 years and under.
After we brainstormed and uncovered these reasons for trying internet dating, Sally seemed ready to give the internet a try. Then, one last gremlin came up for her!
“It all sounds good, but this may take too much time for me” Sally said. “How much time could you give to this activity during the week?” I countered. “A couple of hours a week” she offered. “How many hours are you willing to commit to spending on internet dating a week?” I asked firmly as her coach. She was willing to commit to 3 hours a week.
“And what perspective do you want to take on as you go forward with this venture?” I encouraged further. “I want to take on the go for it perspective”, she answered. “I know you will go for it and you will be courageous about it!” was my acknowledgement for my client that ended our session.
Article by… http://www.heartmindconnection.com
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