Most Internet users have visited chat rooms. Probably all have received unwanted messages from other chat room users asking if they want ‘cyber’. For the innocent, cyber is code for virtual internet sex.

Below is part of a conversation between two chat room users I came across recently…

NaughtyNurse : Hi, are you a real Fireman?

FiremanSam : I’m as real as Pamela Anderson’s boobs. Are you a real nurse?

NaughtyNurse : sure I am

FiremanSam : lol

NaughtyNurse : fancy typing with your left hand for a few minutes?

FiremanSam : Pardon?

NaughtyNurse : want to caress the salami you fuckwit?

FiremanSam : Go away, you wretched woman. I don’t cyber - that’s for sad losers with large boils on their bums.

NaughtyNurse : I’m sweating, let me just loosen my blouse a little…that’s better

FiremanSam : I’ll tell the room.

NaughtyNurse : squeal like Ned Beatty in Deliverance if you want, no one will believe you

FiremanSam : They believed me when I squealed on CyberGirl4U.

NaughtyNurse : cybergirl hates your fag ass, no one believed that shit

FiremanSam : They did. I’m very well respected.

NaughtyNurse : it’s really hot, let me just pop these melons out for some cool air

FiremanSam : I bet they’re smelly…sort of like toasted cheese?

NaughtyNurse : do you like woman smells?

FiremanSam : No. They scare me… remind me of when I was 9 and kissed my grandma… and she slipped me the tongue…I cried.

NaughtyNurse :

FiremanSam : NO!

NaughtyNurse : did you not like that?

FiremanSam : Stop that!

NaughtyNurse : whoops, my panties just slipped around my ankles

FiremanSam : Did they?

NaughtyNurse : yes, ah that breeze is cool

FiremanSam : Are your panties dirty?

NaughtyNurse : do you want them to be?

FiremanSam : Yes.

NaughtyNurse : they’re filthy, my husband makes me wear them for weeks at a time

FiremanSam :

NaughtyNurse :

FiremanSam :

FiremanSam : I can’t see what you are typing now.

NaughtyNurse : well, take them off the monitor

FiremanSam : Okay, that’s better.

NaughtyNurse : where did you put my panties?

FiremanSam : I put them over on the sofa on top of some plastic. They reek of dried pig shit crusts steeped in industrial ammonia and then sprayed with elephant repellent. But I can still see them from here, and smell them.

NaughtyNurse : emm, ok

NaughtyNurse : you aren’t too good at this cybering thing, are you!

FiremanSam : How dare you! I’m brilliant at everything I do. You wretched female!

NaughtyNurse : women disgust you, don’t they?

FiremanSam : No. I love women, except my ex-wife… the heartless bitch… and Jill that slut who stomped on my heart…and Alison who cheated on me…and Mary who gave me a particularly nasty STD…and grandma…and…

NaughtyNurse : yeah, yeah…you’re just a repressed fag

FiremanSam : …and Julia who ate my… pardon? What did you just call me?

NaughtyNurse : oh fuck off you loser, go rent a Tom Selleck movie and compare moustaches

FiremanSam : Bitch! Slut! Vile Temptress! Harlot! Jezebel! Whore of Babylon!

NaughtyNurse has left the conversation.

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